Lagos: the shitshow take 2

Saturday night was THE shitshow.
As we were getting ready to head out we left our door ajar and, of course, as it was a block party right outside our door many a drunken male stumbled in and out of our place. One of which was the guy who walked us to the beach earlier. He was stumbling around, looking like he was about to collapse or puke or something. Oy. Then the 18-year-old kid who was drinking Absinthe and Jager that morning came running in, frantically introduced himself, picked me up, acted drunk and crazy all at the same time. This kid was on something for sure. We found out later that it was (supposedly) a combination of Ecstasy, Morphine, and Cocaine. But who knows. And drunk. He was off. And 18-years-old. What a shame. The kid who walked us to the beach suddenly grabbed Jessica's blanket off of her bed and started walking outside with it. Jessica had left for the block party with Jamie and George...she was really drunk already. Katie then grabbed the kid right before he got to the door and pulled him in. Then he collapsed on Jessica's bed and started to pass out. Then rolled around. I was afraid that either he'd be there forever, or he was going to puke. I was about to do something when Katie, who was also pretty drunk, told me that she'd take care of it. She coolly bent over, pulled him up, and then he looked at her and tried to kiss her! Hahahaha. Ooooook. She pulled him up, took the blanket off of him and guided him to the door. He then trapped her and moved in and proceed to make out with her...and then she bit him! Hahahaha. He went on his merry way. Katie told me that he had trapped her and she couldn't think of anything else to do. So funny. Oh man, this would be an interesting night. We were all drinking wine, I was out of hard liquor, so I also had a 40. Subsequently I didn't get very drunk that night, but I was perfectly entertained the entire night by everybody else's beligerance. Let me continue. So then all of us headed outside. We found a couch just chilling outside and all took a seat. Jessica was there with Toba. It was so fun just hanging out and drinking on a couch outside...felt like Ann Arbor! I was happy. And there were SOOOO many hot boys. Wow, it was really quite overwhelming. Then this little British guy approached with the cutest little puppy on a leash. We chilled with him and played with his dog which was the cutest happiest little thing ever. Somehow the dog ended up on Toba's lap and he started petting the dog and cuddling with it and Jessica joined in. The dog, whose name is Frankie, started to fall asleep because it was being pampered so well. Jessica then rested her head on Toba's shoulders and it was the cutest thing ever. Jessica, Toba, and Frankie. There's a photo. It's fantastic. Jessica was very, very drunk. Drunkest I think I'd seen her. Toba was also wearing a Knicks jersey that someone sent him. It said "Toba Turbo" on the back and we found it pretty damn funny. Soon Paul and Frankie left and Katie went with them. We didn't know where she had gone for awhile. Found out the next day that she walked all around Lagos with Paul and Frankie, then somehow ended up in George and Jamie's Rising Cock apartment and watched them do lines of Cocaine. WTF. Somebody told me that Mtv was going to do some filming in the Hard Cock Cafe. However, nobody was really there except some of the Cornell girls and some cute guys. One was particularly cute, and I had some drunken confidence so I struck up a convo with him. He was Canadian, can't remember his name. We talked for a good half an hour until I realized that none of my friends had shown up. I told them to come meet me there. I was more worried about being with my friends than meeting boys, so I told him that I was going to look for them and that I'd be back. When I went back out to the block party I couldn't find them anywhere. I wasn't too nervous because I knew that they couldn't have gone far. I found Toba and asked him if he had seen my friends. He said no, but he'd help me look. So he extended his elbow, we linked arms, and ventured into the 2 bars on the block to find them. No luck. Toba apologized, I thanked him, and decided to look in our apartment. There they were! Katie was still missing, however. We drank a bit more, and then Jamie came barging in and told us that we had to go to the bar for Sambuca shots. On the beach Jamie had been raving about this "spirit" called Sambuca. We were in. We all headed over to Joe's Garage and took shot after shot of Sambuca. It was pretty good--it's a clear liquor with a strong licorice taste. Not too strong in alcohol, though, which is a good thing. Jamie kept buying us all drinks so we didn't spend one euro the entire night. Oh, on the way to the bar we found Katie and she came with us. She was WASTED. So was Jessica. But when Katie's wasted she tends to get mean, especially to boys. So she started fighting with Jamie for no reason. It was obvious that he was not a fan of hers. I'm not surprised, she was honestly being quite a bitch to him when he did nothing wrong. Katie was tipping over and not acting very sober at all and it looked like it was time to take her home. So Melissa and I dragged her home. When we got back we saw Jessica wobbling around and fighting the urge to just pass out at the bar. So it was Courtney's turn. She walked Jessica home. Then it was just us 3 and Jamie. George was with us for awhile but he went off an hour earlier to go to a supposed rave in the forest. He will forever be known as "Rave in the Forest Guy", subsequently. Then Joe's Garage had last call. Jamie's friends with Phil, the owner, so Jamie told us to go hide out with him on the back porch until the place cleared out. We sat outside drinking beers for about an hour until we came back in. We were the only ones in the bar besides Phil and the bartenders. All of the lights were on and it just looked strange. I was pretty drunk, not overly drunk, just quite drunk. Then Jamie bought us more drinks: vodka with Red Bull. I had never even had Red Bull before. I didn't even want to drink more, I was drunk enough. I know my limit. And Red Bull tastes funny and is a weird color. I'm not a fan, I must say. But I felt badly for wasting, so I slowly took small sips. Phil and crew continued to clean and close up while we just hung out and chatted with the bartenders. Soon we headed out with Jamie, Phil, and one of the girl bartenders to go to some bar called Grand Cafe. We got there, and it was a multi-floor, very fancy place with funky music playing. The decor was really cool and modern and reminded me of something that would be in an episode of "Sex and the City". Jamie got us all beers. Melissa and I only drank a little bit because we're pretty in touch with our limits and knew that we were good. We only stayed at the Grand Cafe for a little while because it was a bit too packed and sceney for that time of night. We had had a long day and night as it is, the last thing we needed was another intense bar/club. The 4 of us started walking back. Courtney was pretty wasted. We got to the corner near the entrance to the street of our hostel apartment that is right in front of this club called AGB which was overflowing with people. There was an intense line, in which we spotted George. We all started talking. Courtney was ready to leave, and Jamie said that he'd take her the back way. Courtney never made it home. Okay, that sounded dramatic. Jamie was staying in another Rising Cock apartment and he took her back to his place. I don't know details, but you can pretty much assume what went down. Melissa and I stood outside of AGB for awhile talking to George...for some reason. I mean, we talked for a long time. George was acting completely normal and sober. He still hadn't gone to the rave in the forest. We asked him if he was on anything at all, and he said that he was drunk and rolling on Ecstasy. I swear, you'd never know. So weird. Oh, Rave in the Forest guy. After awhile he said that it was about time that he be going to the forest, so Melissa and I headed back to our apartment. We were a bit sobered up, but wanted some cereal before calling it a night. We walked into the kitchen area and turned on the bathroom light. We found Jessica's underwear on the floor and the shower curtain in the tub. Oh wow. Lagos was such a shitshow! While munching on cereal we heard somebody, perhaps Jessica, ask us to be quiet in a very low voice. So we just headed next store to the Rising Cock. We found Jade lying on the couch working night shift. We asked if we could sit with him for awhile, to which he responded yes, and he offered us some of his blanket. So we sat under the blanket with Jade and ate cereal. Then that kid Brandon barged in. He was still drunk, high, and hyper as ever. Melissa told him that he was too young for all of that and that he should go home to his mom so that she could make him chicken noodle soup, and that she probably misses him anyways. This kid was not pleased with Melissa's snide comment. I found it quite hilarious. I mean, come on, this kid is 18, he ran away to Portugal, went freaking crazy, got fired after working in the craziest hostel in Europe for 2 weeks, and then went even more crazy. This kid needed some major help. Oy. Then Vivik walked in all drunk and annoying. Jade told us that he has terrible ADD and that he really doesn't work at the Rising Cock, he just claims that he does. He came there from Spain 3 weeks earlier and never left. He does stuff for the hostel, but he still pays for his own room. The only job they've had him do was wash the stairs and gather us back to the hostel the night before. That's it. And they don't pay him. And this kid's supposed to go to UCLA law next year. We started giving him a hard time because he was just so effing lame...Melissa, especially, gave him a good verbal beating. We just kept pissing him off. Then he'd leave to go to bed, then Jade would tell us that he'd come back, and he would. Like clockwork. And come up with stupid, contrived comments. Perhaps this kid was pre-law, but he was dealing with a humanities and a creative writing major. He had no chance. He then threatened to relocate us to the worst room in the sister hostel, the Camel Toe. We kept telling him to do it, and that we were excited about it. "Oh, you just wait. You think I'm kidding, but you'll be crying about it tomorrow." I'm sure you can do that, Vivik since a) you don't work there and b) we're paying the Rising Cock. It's impossible. What a fucking loser, I'm sorry. Remember that play that I'm writing about the guys in Amsterdam? Vivik has been added. I've decided to write a play about the lame guys you meet in Europe. Yep. It's a done deal. So, the whole interaction/fight ended with Vivik throwing a dirty t-shirt at Melissa and calling her a cunt. It wasn't insulting, just stupid. He was no match for Melissa, creative writing extraordinaire. He had lost. Deal with it, Vivik. Soon this hot Canadian guy walked in and we talked to him for awhile. When he headed upstairs to bed around 5:30 Melissa and I decided that our night was complete. We went next store and passed out a little before 6.
Lagos is a mothafucking shitshow.